What follows is the funniest thing you will see all week — perhaps all year. It will make you laugh out loud, guaranteed, so long as your sense of humor is as warped as mine. If you are reading this ...

Picture rolling into a Showbiz Pizza as a kid in the ‘80s — long before the internet let you find manic wonders with just a few keywords, back when a quarter was real money — and seeing the bounty set ...